My experience is that we do have some pretty yummy stuff around here. ;P

But I do feel like adding a thing or two about Chucks carbonated water problem:
my mother doesn’t like carbonated drinks either, and it CAN be a bother to get some normal water. However: there are different brands of water.
If you want still water specifically request or look for “Stilles Wasser”. Mostly this stuff is SLIGHTLY carbonated too, but there are a few brands that are entirely without carbon acid.
However, those are usually expensive brands.
Volvic or Vittel for example are still waters. If you want something cheaper you will have to try around with the local offers in stores and the like. But if there is a “Stilles Wasser” on the lable it has very little to non Carbon Acid in it.

And where I live it is rather common - at least among students - to just get a bottle (mostly bottles you bought earlier and just keep for this) and fill it with tab water.
You can easily acces Tab Water in a lot of places and just give yourself a refill. Plus: it is healty, easy to handel and serves the purpose.

And you also DO get some flavoured, non-carbonated water.
Brands to look out for would be ActiveO2, Japonica or Volvic, which by now offer a really wide range of flavours, among them strawberry, cherry, plum, peach, citron, general berry mix….
There’s no coloring in those, so it’s common for the very reason that they do have a taste without more chemistry in there than really needed.

And if you do like Carbonated water with special flavours, you can either get syrup or try your hands on Bonaqua. That’s another tablewater brand - we actually do have way to many, like Lichtensteiner and other mineral water producing locations - which, as far as I am aware of, only sells carbonated water, but also started to offer different flavours. (I might be wrong on the carbonated part though…)

And I wager it is only a matter of time till the other water producing sites pick up on that market too…

Yeah.. anyway.
Just wanted to say that. ^_^;;
And if it really is such a bother, maybe this might even be useful. ^_^;;

To answer the sugar question I actually had to look it up:
http://www.leichtundstill.de/japonica_erdbeer.html
here you can click through the different flavours and look how much suggar is in there. It varies a bit and I am not sure how helpful it is to use Fructose instead of sugar, since it is sugar in the end, however: generally speaking there is only about 1/5th the amount of sugar of a regular coke in there.

And I honestly can’t answer the beer question. I honestly don’t drink it and don’t have an interest in it either. ^_^;;;